2020 was a shit show. How did we make it? I think the first part of the year, I was hunkering down, digging into the uncomfortable, and just praying that nobody got sick, or worse. The second half of the year, our mental health began to take a toll and we had to start figuring out ways to get back to normal in a safe way. 

2021 has been………. interesting. In fact, I would say this year has been surmount-ably more difficult than 2020. Maybe it’s because I’m weary from the length of time it’s taken to get back to normal, maybe it’s this expansion and adaptation from all I learned last year, I am not sure. I do know that it has been a year of reflection, a year where I have questioned everything I believe, everything I do, and everything I want to do. I am finally feeling like I have a lot of clarity on how I want to show up in the public space and so I thought I would share some of the ways I suggest *you* expand and grow. 

The year in review. That’s what I feel like 2021 has been. Over the years, I have cultivated a certain way I do things, including with my photography. I have a certain spiritual practice I do each morning, I have a certain way I edit photos, I have a certain group of photographers with which I mingle. Routine and repetition feels like a comfort space for me at times. Around the spring, I decided to take a break from Instagram. I have done a lot of evaluation of my social media and how I use it in the past. It took me a long time to let go of this need and desire to *perform* in the social media space. This year, the break felt different. 2020 was about me letting go of the needs for likes and to be featured. 2021 has been more about why I am showing up in the space. I am a small account, but even still, I asked myself, what message do I want to be giving? How do I want to use this space that I can curate however I like? Do I even want to post here? In fact, would I even take photographs if I didn’t post on social media? I asked myself the tough questions and made sure to sit with in for a long time. During the summer, I took a break from a well established spiritual practice, kundalini yoga. I had been doing it daily for about 2 years and I think I needed space to evaluate if it was working or if I needed to try something else instead. I looked at my routines and asked myself why. 

Questioning the things you believe, why you believe them, and if you want them to continue to affect your life is an important practice. 

I honestly believe if we reevaluated ourselves more frequently, the world wouldn’t be in the situation it is in. If there is any message I want to relay to you right now, it is that, every single person in this entire world thinks they are right. And every single person in this entire world learned what they believe from someone else. The evaluating and questioning is an important part of discernment, personal growth, and community development. 

Step our of your comfort zone.

I follow Chris Loves Julia, a designer on Instagram, and they just moved to Raleigh. As they start fresh in a new house, one of the things Julia said was that she knows she can come into a space and make it look pretty, but she doesn’t want it to just look pretty. She wants to push herself out of her comfort zone. I was inspired by this because I feel the same. I think that’s why I never really loved family portraiture because I felt like I wasn’t pushing myself to be creative. 

Now, there are family photographers who do an absolutely amazing and beautiful job and are extremely creative, but *I personally* didn’t feel drawn to it. 

Documentary has always felt challenging because I had to force myself to *think beyond* aesthetics. When I first started taking pictures, my thought process was 

Pretty Light = ✔️

Interesting Composition = ✔️

Perfect Skin Tones = ✔️

Don’t get me wrong, that was hard to accomplish. But there came a point when I wanted more from my work. I took some classes like Linsey Davis’s Legacy Keepers Guide, Portrait Revolution by Lindsay Bergstrom, Visual Rhetoric by Courtney Larson, and The Mindful Approach by Ardelle Neubert. These classes opened up my world to something beyond taking a pretty picture. It forced me to think about why I wanted to capture an image. I took a workshop with Ace Fanning who literally questioned our editing process and forced us to reconsider every thing we did. Opening myself up to other perspectives helped me to grow as a photographer and grow as a human. 

Allow yourself to be inspired before taking action

I tend to jump quickly into things without giving them much thought. I especially get impatient when it takes a long time. I can easily get discouraged by waiting, it feels like I am never going to be inspired again. This year has been the hardest because bouts of inspiration have been few and far between. You may have heard me discuss human design on my instagram page if you follow me. I am a Manifesting Generator that operates from an emotional center. What that means is that I get emotional quickly and that, for me to be most effective, it’s best I wait for all of my emotions to pass so that I can make a well informed decision. 

This has been rather difficult for me to figure out because I thought that to be inspired meant do it right when I think of it. Or to follow my intuition means *do it right now*. What I have found is that I probably have ADHD and I am *inspired* to do random shit all of the time. That isn’t helpful and it doesn’t help me gain clarity. Instead, allowing myself the space to consider the best course of action, and to slowly attempt things is best for me. 

This year, my main focus has been where I want to take my photography. I tried to be a family photographer but I didn’t enjoy it. I had settled into this idea that I was just going to be a hobbyist, but I felt like I already have this work that I could use for something. One of the things I continued to ask for, in my meditation, is ideas on what to do with my existing body of work. I started thinking about a print shop, I started thinking about mentoring, and I started thinking about stock photography. These are all things I am currently exploring and I feel like I have a lot more clarity now. 

Question it all. I encourage you to question it all. If it’s meant to be with you, it will be. If not, you are making space for more expansion. Don’t settle for complacency because you are worthy of more than just meh. Push yourself to move beyond your current reality and allow space to explore. I think you will be surprised at the heights you can reach when you decide to embrace discomfort.