I’m sitting here at my computer, thinking about what life was like in those first few days after Ellie was born. I had spent so many months awaiting her arrival. Nothing was as I had expected, including the birth, and I felt like I was in the twilight zone. As I sat in that hospital room, I cried, and cried and cried. I was terrified. I was terrified of us dying on the way home, I was terrified of Ellie suffocating in her sleep, I was terrified that I was not going to be able to protect this little bitty baby from this big, bad world. It was the most helps, the most powerless, and the most scared I had ever felt in my entire life. And I’ve been through some crazy times. Fast forward 4 years later, and here I am, my second child napping while I blog this beautiful Fresh 48 session, and I think of all of the things I would tell myself when I became a first time mom.

Before I start, I want to mention that all of these pictures are from my most recent Fresh 48 session. I was so grateful that Kristen and Johannes allowed me to capture their beautiful baby just 24 hours after she was born. All of the memories came flooding back to me when I walked in the room and I had to fight back the tears. Though the newborn stage is SO FREAKING HARD (at least in my opinion), I still have fond memories of holding my precious little baby girl and little baby boy in my arms. I have NEVER felt a love like that, and even as I type these words now, I can feel my chest swelling. I feel like the Grinch who’s heart grew three times it’s size. Thank Kristen and Johannes for allowing me to participate in such a memorable time in your life. I wish you many blessings on this fun, and crazy journey.

Dear Me as a First Time Mom,

Girl, it’s about to get real. I mean, it’s about to get real in a way you could NEVER HAVE IMAGINED. Buckle up because this is going to be a roller coaster full of ups and downs, twists and turns, crying, and lots of growth. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to do great. You’re a good mama, I promise. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way. I’m not sure if you’re going to listen to me, but it’s okay, because this is your journey to learn in the way that works for you.

1) Find a Tribe 

Motherhood is lonely and if you’re not proactive, it will get even lonelier. The world is full of parenting experts and everyone, even people that have zero kids, are going to try to tell you what to do. Don’t listen. Screw those people. Find a group of moms that you trust and text them, call them, cry on their shoulder because they’re in the trenches with you and they can help. Some are not going to be for you. That’s ok, move on, there is someone out there, I promise, so keep seeking and hold on once you find them. The mom tribe is the best in the world.

2) Choose Love

What do I mean? I mean, every time your child does something totally appalling that you would have never imagined your child would do, don’t let the fear overtake you, choose love. See your child as the sweet little baby you held in your arms when she was first born, and react in that way. You are going to hear a lot of arm chair psychologists tell you that your kid is going to be a terrible generation that has no respect for authority and must be dealt but IGNORE THOSE FOOLS, and choose love. That may mean something different to you than it does someone else, but you’ll know what I mean, so choose love.

3) Listen to your intuition

Even when it seems like it’s different than what everyone else says. I am serious. When you let go of the fear, when you calm yourself and trust yourself, you will hear a tiny voice that is very quiet but very powerful. It will lead your decisions and help you know what to do. Trust that voice and it will grow stronger.

4) Take care of yourself

This is so important. Treat yourself like a queen, always. Ask for help from family and friends. It’s going to get hard and you need to be the best you. Find what makes you feel good and do it. Find ways to get little breaks throughout the day. Start as soon as you can. It’s important that you get some time to yourself because if you don’t, you won’t be able to do #2. So, take breaks and #treatyoself