For the first time in my life, I am grateful for living in a small town with lots of space. In spite of the stay at home order, we have been able to play outside. We’ve been able to ride our bikes through the neighborhood and stretch our legs in beautiful weather. I follow people on IG that live in NY, and watching them live out their lives in small apartments without access to a yard seems really difficult. We’ve been staying at home for the past 7 weeks and the kids are just now starting to feel the affects of boredom. A playground in the backyard and a trampoline have kept them entertained daily. That being said, they are starting to ask questions about when we can go do things. Though South Carolina is opening everything up, I’m not comfortable with the idea of going out yet. It’s hard to understand what is actually happening out there and it’s hard to understand what is best for us. We are in a place of privilege where we don’t have to go out, so we probably won’t. My husband has worked the entire time, he owns a tree business and has been busy with all of the tornadoes over the past few weeks. Most of his work is outside, with 2 other people, so it feels a little “safer” than other jobs. That has been really been our only exposure as we are having groceries delivered to the house.
How have I kept my own sanity? Photography classes. I have taken a few breakouts via Clickinmoms and one big workshop. Because of these, I have had a lot of interaction with others, albeit via internet. I’ve also had something to focus on each day and I’ve been able to do something I enjoy, learn. I’ve started learning watercolor which has been a nice distraction as well. I’m honestly kind of surprised at how well I have handled this. There have been days of boredom, anxiety, fear, and uncertainty. In those days, I’ve really leaned into my spiritual practice, kundalini yoga, journaling, and even daily exercise. I’ve spoken to my close friends about working through those emotions and I feel like I’ve had a tremendous amount of personal growth. My kids have become more independent, oddly enough. They’ve become a little less rowdy, maybe because of all the outside and independent play. I’ve grown as a mother and find myself less angry and frustrated with them most of the time. I think we’ve utilized this time in the best way we could and I can see so many changes that have been positive in our lives. If there can be a silver lining in all of this, I certainly have found it.
How to move forward, I don’t know. There are people in our lives that are compromised in one way or another, so I’m not rushing out to go shopping or spend time at a playground. Last night, I got overwhelmed by the idea that this could become increasingly worst, especially in the fall as the flu season hits. I tried to bring myself back to the present moment, though, and to let go of the future. I have no control over that and having fear about it is useless. I will trust that when that time comes, I will know what to do and we will work through it. That’s really all we can do. Here are some images I’ve taken over the past few days.
