If you follow me on Instastories, you know that I am in the midst of a parenting course with Dr Laura Markham. This week’s lesson is all about connection. As a stay at home mom, I can have the initial reaction of “Oh, I am definitely connected”, but upon a closer look, I realize that maybe I am not. This isn’t the only place I’ve heard about connection. I recently read a book by Brene Brown entitled “Daring Greatly” and in it, she talks about connecting with the people we encounter daily. For example, when going through the starbucks drive thru, it is important to put down our phones and say hello to the person serving us. It may not seem like much, but in reality, we are recognizing that person as a human and treating that person with respect. Those little moments matter much more than we realize, and so my task each day is to be present and connect with those around me. I don’t know about you, but I always feel very distracted. I feel distracted at home, I feel distracted when running errands, and I don’t even know why. Maybe that’s why this lesson has been so important to me and why it continues to be repeated in all of the things that I study. This isn’t a long post about why we should all put our phones down because 1) those are totally overdone and 2) I find there are lots of beautiful connections that can be made using technology but these are suggestions on how we can be mindful about each moment in our life and how we can connect with those around us to make us happier people.

1. Be mindful about technology 

Since I already started with this in my introduction, I figured I would go ahead and tackle it right away. Here we go again with yet another post about putting down your phone. I am totally not one of those people because like I said above, I see value in social media and think it can be very powerful. That being said, just as all things can be used or abused, we must learn how to take advantage of technology and do so in moderation. When I’m seeking connection through my device and ignoring those people in my physical space, I am missing the point. I feel strongly that people come in and out of our lives for a reason and so, I don’t want to miss the opportunity. The opportunity that I have with another is a chance to learn, to support, to open my heart. I can’t do that if I am not paying attention. What would be best is to be purposeful about my time and be present in the moment I’m in. If I can just sit, and pay attention to those around me, I am open to beautiful life lessons and chances to connect with others.

2. Let go of fear

This may not apply to you, but I can sometimes have a little social anxiety. I will be afraid to say something to someone I meet for fear of sounding stupid. Or I’ll have a conversation and as I leave, I’ll review what I said and cringe. I don’t want to live in fear, I don’t want to be afraid of others, and so I have to recognize that I am perfect exactly as I am and be bold. I can be bold by saying hello, saying whatever stupid thing is on my mind, and trust that as weird as it may be, I have the opportunity to connect. Sometimes, I am so caught up in the fact that I am not part of the norm, I forget that others might be feeling the same way. Maybe they’re just waiting for me to fly my freak flag so they can fly theirs too. In fact, I’ve met some of the most amazing people when I’ve said some of my weirdest things. Almost always, they’ve replied by saying “wow, I am so glad you said that, i feel the same way too”. So fly it people.

3. Touch each other

This is obviously going to be for family and close friends. Or maybe not! The power of touch is amazing. I have always been one who is guarded and can even feel uncomfortable with too much touching from my husband or kids. I realize that is part of some stuff that needs to heal and when I make the effort to hug my kids, kiss my husband, shake hands with a stranger, I open my heart just a little more. In fact, when my littlest is misbehaving, and I feel angry and resentful, the LAST thing I want to do is be playful or hug her. And when I ignore that feeling and do it anyway, I feel myself soften and I feel myself lighten up. Who knew that something as simple as touching another human could have that much power over my wellbeing? Dr Markham said that couples who hug each other in the morning and in the evening tend to be happier. She also said that when a wife hugs her husband in the morning before he goes to work, he is less likely to have a heart attack! Wow!

4. Stop Correcting

Do what? My husband would tell you that I haven’t mastered this yet. What if you just stopped correcting? What if you just trusted that everyone has their own lessons to learn and you are not responsible? What if you are not in charge? This concept blew my freaking mind. I was listening to a podcast and the guy has spent his life studying mindfulness and it’s effect on the heart. He said that he tries to give up something each week and his most recent task was to give up correcting others and just allow them to be. Holy sh*t, that blew my mind. I am still totally working on this but it has been life changing, especially in relationships and how I interact with others. I am not here to do anything other than share my experience and be nice.

5. Have fun

Lighten the heck up. I may have shared this before, but I went to hear the Dalai Llama speak at Emory University several years back and the thing that struck me the most was how joyful he was. He was cracking jokes and having fun on stage. I thought his talk was going to be very serious about how we should all be doing this and that but he was just laughing away on stage. Father Pat, a priest at St Anthony of Padua Catholic Church, is the same way. He always makes jokes as he gives his homily and though he can be serious, especially when it comes to how we treat others, he is mostly joyful. Why is this so hard for me? I have made a conscious effort to be more playful with my kids and you know what, we feel more connected now than ever. When Ellie is having a hard time, I make a joke about it. If Alex doesn’t want to get in the car, I pretend he’s an airplane, and zoom him around until he “lands” in his carseat. It works! No yelling, no threatening, and everyone is happy.

If you’re still reading, thanks so much! These are all lessons I have learned as I study different personal development programs and the message seems to be the same, no matter where I go. I don’t think it’s any different today than it was centuries ago. I just think that today’s challenges are different and so if I can bring myself back to my task, to love others, treat them with respect, and remember that through connection, I have the power to heal my own heart, and possibly someone else’s too.