The strongest memory I have from childhood was that I never quite fit in. I always felt a little bit like an outsider, no matter how much I wanted to be cool. And honestly, I can still have that feeling. I guess I was just born with this idea that I am somehow different. Add in life experiences and you have a recipe for someone with super low self esteem. In my twenties, I struggled with my weight, I struggled with spending too much money, and I struggled with friends. 2007 was the year that things had to change. I was so unhappy, in spite of so many wonderful things happening for me. I married my husband, I was successful in my job, but I hated myself. It was super painful, but that was also the year that everything changed. I had to do something to change my insides and so I began my path that brought me to the place I am in now. I started a somewhat unique and intense spiritual journey, I started seeing a therapist, and I started to actively change how I felt. 11 years later, I wanted to talk about some of the lessons I’ve learned over the years and break them down into a list that is popular amongst bloggers, because that’s what we all do, right? If you want read about my tips for building self confidence, keep reading.
1. Do Esteemable Things
I don’t think that’s a word, but I’m using it. When I say, “do esteemable things”, I mean, do things that make you feel good about yourself. This can include a wide variety of things big and small. Make your bed, eat healthier, do nice things for others, pray for others, etc. This year, I really struggled with keeping the house straight. It created a little piece of doubt about my abilities as a stay at home mom. We had a cleaning lady, but I decided to stop having her come because I wanted to build my self esteem in this area. I made a plan and worked hard to keep the house clean. After doing it for several months, I felt better about myself because I proved I could do it. Then I hired the cleaning lady again and now I struggle. BUT I CAN DO IT! One thing that I do daily in my quiet time is light candles for others. I typically light one large candle for the world in general and then around 7 other candles for individual people. By doing this, I am thinking about others, praying for others, and creating a bit of gratitude within myself. You can call a friend and ask about their day. Any time we can do something to get out of our own heads and into the a place of service to others, we get into alignment with a greater purpose. I won’t talk about all my beliefs with that, but I believe you understand what I’m saying, no matter your spiritual background.
What are some esteemable things that you do?
2. Travel
This sounds weird. Travel, what the heck are you talking about Wendi? I believe strongly that when we come from a place of gratitude, we are in a better space in general. Things that I did not like about myself usually included my body, my place in my career, the fact that I was loud and sometimes overly assertive, and my selfishness. In college, I had the opportunity to travel to Oaxaca, Mexico. This was one of the most BEAUTIFUL places I have ever been. During that time, we drove through some impoverished areas and I got to see people struggling to eat, struggling with no running water, struggling for proper healthcare. I’ve also traveled to Rwanda where I saw much of the same. The orphanages were full of children that lacked clean clothes and mattresses. The women were walking daily many miles to make money to support their families. It just puts things into perspective. And the thing is, all of those people were happy. They were beautiful people who lived a life full of community and connectedness. It made me want that in my own life. And it made me grateful for the things I do have.
3. Do Yoga
I know, I know, we yoga people think yoga is a cure all. The thing is, I hated my body. I struggled with body image and my weight. I went on many diets, I was a compulsive over eater with zero self control. I lost and gained weight so many times. I hated my body and I treated it poorly. I worked out WAY too much or I didn’t work out at all. I ate WAY too much or I didn’t eat anything at all. Yoga brought me back to my physical self. So many times, I just didn’t want to be present with myself. I didn’t want to be within me, I was always wishing I was somewhere else. Being on my mat, I had to feel my body. I had to learn to appreciate my body and all of the things it could do. I had to make amends to my body for treating it so poorly over the years and I had to promise I would never do that again.
If you want my IG stories, you have seen me say many times that I don’t believe in dieting. I don’t. And this is why. I believe in listening to my body and asking it what it wants to eat. And then trusting that. It’s a hard concept and I know that a lot of people don’t agree with me, but I don’t care. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DIETING. And I promised myself I would never do it again. So at the beginning of this year, when I started gaining weight again, I had to actively tell myself that I would not restrict, I would not diet, and I trust in my body. It’s hard because I want to be thinner, but I respect myself enough to not give in to the self depreciation that is dieting.
4. Affirmations and Positive Thinking
Stuart Smalley really had something, didn’t he. Kidding, but for real, the more I study Law Of Attraction, A Course In Miracles, and all that self help stuff, the more that I realize I am in control of my thoughts. There are certain things I can do daily to help myself stay in a positive mindset. One of those is meditation. Another is cutting out too many negative influences like social media and the news. Doing some kind of exercise, prayer, praying for others, and actively telling myself positive things. When a negative thought pops up, I try to see it and let it go. If it’s a reoccurring thing, I journal about it and figure out what I really need. This is the hardest thing to do but the most important.
5. Stop Comparing
Everyone is saying this now that social media is such a large part of our lives, but it’s so true. The days I feel worst about my ability to mother, my style, my photography, my place in the world, it’s because I think, “everyone else seems to be doing this so much better than me”. I find that once someone is real about where they are, I instantly feel better because I think, “yes! I am not alone”. It’s hard to be real though, because there’s always that person that is so disgusted with themselves, they want to bring others down too and social media seems to be their outlet. When I am feeling less than, I try to cut down on social media as much as possible and increase all the things above.
6. Find Joy and Pleasure
For some reason, I have always thought that I wasn’t worth of pleasure or joy. I always think I should be doing something else. This year has been my year to discover joy. What are things that make me happy and make my heart sing. Some things that bring me joy are:
- The Sister Act II soundtrack
- singing
- meditation
- yoga
- eating healthy
- reading
- talking to friends
- hot chocolate with marshmallows
- coffee
- playing with my kids
- dancing
- zumba
- good music
- photography
- beautiful light
- drawing
- cooking
- painting
- travel
- the mountains
- the ocean
- watching silly movies with my husband
- makeup
- Belgian Chocolate
- The Real housewives of Beverly Hills
- Listening to Podcasts
I could probably go on, but I am writing them all down in my journal. When I am feeling low, for whatever reason, I look at this list and pick a few that I can do in that moment.
7. Accept and Welcome My Emotions
I am an emotional person. I have a STRONG personality and I FEEL a lot. I like to say I’m passionate, but it doesn’t always come out so eloquently. I’ve always seen this as a bad thing, and I’ve never quite understood why I couldn’t get a handle on my emotions. Once I started studying Law of Attraction, I realize that our emotions are signals of what we like and what we dislike. Once I learned that, I opened myself up to the fact that it’s actually a good thing that I have these emotions and I can use them to help me. When I am triggered, I journal about it to find out why and where I need healing. I feel strongly in self exploration and self awareness because that’s where the healing comes, that’s where the joy comes, and that’s where the confidence comes.
I hope that you found this post helpful. I am so much better at talking about this stuff versus writing about it, but ya know.. I’m a blogger so… I need to write it.
What are some things you do? Do you struggle with self confidence?
