photo cred: Lauren Johnson
Over the past week, I have noticed that my thoughts towards my body have been very negative. As I venture into this intuitive eating journey, I am adjusting to living a life without diets and with a different body. While I don’t believe that my current body is the one I will always be, I do believe this “stage” is necessary in my quest towards self love and body positivity. So as my thoughts continue to be negative, I have this sense of desperation, like I want physical change RIGHT THIS MOMENT.
I think there are a couple of reasons that I feel this way right now.
- I haven’t been able to move my body in the way I like due to the change of routine and the holidays. We traveled to Charleston, we had Christmas, all the distracting things that happen at the end of the year. Getting out of a routine makes it so easy to forget about self care
- No routine makes my life feel chaotic in general. The house is a mess as we try to get back into the swing of school. I am trying to figure out this new schedule which includes time for creativity. And I still have to fight some of those old ideas of what a workout should look like. If it’s not “hard enough”, then is it even worth it? Obviously, any movement is good, but that all or nothing mentality is something I will have to fight for the rest of my life, I am sure.
- There is an energy throughout our collective consciousness during this time of year and that energy is that you aren’t enough in your current state. You should be goal setting, and working out, new year, new you, all the things. And though I feel that I’ve moved past that mentality for the most part, I can still get attached to it at times. And this week seems to be one of those times.
What am I doing to change that today?
- I am showing my body appreciation. This morning, while I showered, I thanked my body for all the things it allows me to do daily. It allows me to play with my kids, to clean my house, to take pictures of beautiful things, to visit my stepdaughter, to spend time with my husband. I am grateful that I can breathe and walk and do yoga and exist. Thank you so much body for being exactly as you are supposed to be.
- I show my body appreciation through action. My skin is dry so I apply moisturizing lotion. I pee when it tells me I have to pee. I eat when it tells me I’m hungry. I do movement that feels good.
- I recognize that my value is in my existence as a whole, and not just how I present myself physically in this world. I am grateful for the beautiful body I am in but also, I am so much more than how I look. I love to dress my body up in clothes that feel good and makeup that makes me feel pretty but also I contribute so much to this world as the light that exists within me and I honor that as well.
I don’t know if I will ever live a life where I’m not fighting these thoughts because that feels impossible, but I understand that I have a choice in how I treat myself, how I talk to myself, and how I present myself in this world. And you do too. So I hope this helps you in some way. You are beautiful exactly as you are, you are worth so much in this world, a light exists within you that can help others, and all you have to do is just be.