If you’ve been watching my IG stories, you have seen my frustration with the traffic on Woodruff Rd. It’s interesting because this is the first time in 37 years that I’ve noticed the craziness of the holidays. The sheer number of people out on the roads have grown tremendously over the past few years, and while I love that #yeahthatgreenville is growing, this is certainly a byproduct of that growth. The season feels different though. It’s not more people, it’s not the traffic, there seems to be a frantic energy buzzing through the air in a way I’ve never felt before. My kids, especially my 4 year old, are restless, defiant, and emotional. Trying to get everyone dressed and in the car seems to take extra negotiating. Getting places takes longer, and the ever growing To-Do List feels unattainable. I feel like my brain is filling up with junk and I never have a chance to empty it. Is it just me? I don’t think it is, so that’s why I’m writing this post. I’ve had to take a step back over the past few weeks and assess what’s going on. I feel like I’m yelling more than I ever have, I’m cussing more than I ever have, and the guilt of not being perfect seems to have grown like a tumor inside my brain. Luckily, I have a small group of friends, and a good therapist, who’ve all helped me see that the solution to all of the bad feeling is forgiveness. That seems odd, but it’s true. It’s not that everyone out there is doing something wrong, it’s that I have fallen into the trap of feeling guilty. I’ve found yet another way to attack myself for not being perfect and it’s hitting me hard. Thanks to some self awareness and a group of great friends, I recognize the need to be gentle with myself and focus on a little bit of forgiveness. What am I forgiving? I am forgiving myself for being too hard on myself. I am forgiving myself for not being perfect. I am forgiving myself for letting the kids eat too much candy, watch too much tv, stay up too late, wear dirty clothes, me eating too many sweets, for yelling too much, for [insert whatever your go to issue is here]. If you are feeling the same, here are a couple of ways I practice forgiveness with myself and get back on the daily self care train.
1. Meditation
You knew I was going to say it didn’t you? This is my go to for getting myself together, but it works oh so well. It terms of forgiveness and meditation, here are a few that I think are outstanding.
Ho’oponopono meditation mantra and prayer
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
2. Gratitude List
If I am feeling extra crazy about a certain thing, I will focus on that one thing and write down everything about it for which I am grateful. If there are too many crazy things and I’ll be on it all day, then I just write whatever comes to mind. During this time of year, when people seem to be out of their minds, selfish, inconsiderate, etc, I might do something like:
I am grateful for loving humanity
I am grateful for Greenville and the friendliness of our city
I am grateful for the ability to be amongst people and appreciate their value
I am grateful that we are all one
I am grateful that our differences can be celebrated and we can all feel together amidst the chaos
I am grateful for a car that I can drive through the traffic and the money I can use to buy gifts for family
I am grateful for family
And you get my point. Do this for a solid 5-15 minutes and see how your heart expands
3. A Kind Gesture for Myself
Maybe I can take a bubble bath, I can put on a nice smelling lotion, I can read a fun book, I can do some fun photography (I’m really into taking pictures of marshmallows right now), I can bake, do some yoga, get a massage or facial, give myself my own facial, have a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, look at a magazine, watch Relationshep, do something that feels totally frivolous and gives me pleasure without shame or guilt. Buy myself some flowers! I love flowers! Anything that feels totally extravagant to me. It’s a way of showing myself that I am worthy of nice things, I am worthy of pleasure, I don’t always have to be suffering to be considered a good person. I just don’t think being a martyr is what we’re called to do, though I play that role well.
4. Do Something Creative
For me, it’s typically photography, but I also love to draw and I love to paint. I also love to play around with makeup, decorate the house, make a fun playlist on Spotify, whatever. It doesn’t have to be something stressful, I’m not auditioning for American Idol, it’s just a way to get out some creative energy and touch base with that part of ourselves. Our creativity is a part of our femininity and recognizing that in ourselves can bring about some gentleness. I’m not saying that only women are creative, I am saying that being creative is a quality of the feminine, and so is gentleness.
I want to close with this last thought. Advent is a time of introspection and readying ourselves for the birth of Christ (at least for many people). Whether you’re religious or not, the idea is that we’re reviewing our year, gaining closure on what has happened, and hoping that we can cleanse ourselves for the next year. I originally felt some guilt for my own behavior and some outrage for the behavior of others because after all, aren’t we all supposed to be good right now? In reality, this is EXACTLY what the purging looks like doesn’t it? Purging isn’t pretty and if we’re truly getting rid of what no longer serves us, it has to come out somewhere and some way. And so, with that in mind, I can give myself (and others) a bit of grace, a bit of love, and a bit of forgiveness. Showing up and being authentic isn’t pretty. That’s why it’s hard. So don’t abandon yourself when it gets real, love yourself and say, I’m sorry, I forgive you, thank you, I love you.
